Director: David DeCoteau
Critic rating: 3
Julie Strain, looking ever the tall, buxom Amazon she is, here leads a coven of trendy, Los Angeles underground vampires while pining away for her lost love: the vamp that originally turned her who has been dead (no... like, really dead - not just vamp-dead) for 400 years. When one of her kith discovers a country-girl transplant, (Raelynn Saalman - here given an "introducing" credit, though she'd done at least half a dozen movies prior), Strain's vamp (named Illyana, not Morgana) is stunned to see Saalman is a dead-ringer for her lost love, only... y'know, she's a woman.
That doesn't stop Strain from pursuing Saalman and attempting to turn her into a vamp as well, something that Saalman's country-boyfriend visiting the big city tries to stop after enlisting the aid of a Van Helsing-like vamp hunter. To add even more confusion (and boobs) into the mix, some of the vampire family aren't happy with Strain as their leader (she keeps hogging all the best looking ladies they use as prey for herself), so efforts are made to undermine her plan to turn Saalman into her lover.
Indeed it's foolish, but you get a good dose of nudity despite the R-rating not only from Strain, but also from fellow Amazons Michelle Bauer and Linda Holdhal both of whom could either be vampires or 80's metal chicks, depending on context. Saalman's country girl spends a good portion of the proceedings parading around starkers, and a very blonde, almost unrecognizable Monique Parent shows up as well, giving those with more lithe tastes in the ladies a little eye candy. Filling out the cast (literally!) is vamp victim and shower aficionado Tamara Carrera, and as the British accented vampire looking to challenge Strain's leadership, Mary Tudor gives only but the barest glimpse of her bloodsucker bosom, which is still better than nothing.
For fans of vampire movies, this is probably a curio and another in a long-line of goofy cinematic failures to bring the sensuality and mystery of night dwellers to the screen, but for softcore and b-movie fans, this is a fun way to waste an hour-and-a-half. It's worth noting that there was a more explicit version of this movie released somewhere in the world called Blonde Heaven, which is the name of the "escort agency" run by the vamps (don't ask), but it is apparently terribly difficult to track down.
Video clips from this movie
November 17th, 2010